


All for naught?

by Anonymous



Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Childhood Friend, Gen, Killing game but no one die yet(middle finger to Monokuma), No beta we die like the soul of this fandom, Oocness but who cares?, Proceed with caution, Redundancy is my cup of tea, angst perhaps?, change in characters' backstories, it's really mild tho, so if you're sensitive, there may be something triggering down there, why do i use present tense instead of past tense like a normal person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2020-04-26
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:54:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23684971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: One loner despairs in the face of a horrifying truth. The other one runs from it.
Relationships: Harukawa Maki & Oma Kokichi, Harukawa Maki & Saihara Shuichi(briefly shown), Harukawa Maki/Momota Kaito, Oma Kokichi & Saihara Shuichi
Comments: 4
Kudos: 48
Collections: Anonymous





	1. All for naught?

**Author's Note:**

> So, uh... I'm just gonna put some random rambling down here.  
> This is the first time I complete an actual piece to post on Ao3. The last one was lacking and a disaster :v.  
> Anyway, the language is not perfect and I don't know how to format his thing, please pardon me on that. :))) I'll try to improve next time(if there's even next time)  
> So, without further ado, let's dig into it.

“Wait, no!”, the little child yelped in the safety of darkness. 

“Shhh,…, it’s okay”, she reassured. Never had she expected this playful child could be so vulnerable, but here they were. It hurt her to see how this predicament had eaten away all of her optimism and cheerfulness. 

She herself was scared, too. Her feet were trembling in her boots. A small part of her wished the other would ask to take her place. However, she would not let that happen. If it was to protect this little one in front of her, she was willing to be the sacrifice. “Everything will be okay. Now stay still and only come out when it’s safe, got it?” 

“Please...Maa-nee-chan, see me again, promise?” 

“Yes”, a small smile adorned her lips as the two pinkies were wrapped around each other. 

…

Her time afterwards was hell. Hits after hits, canes after canes. Her little body was littered with bruises. They frequently locked her up, sometimes chained her to some random beds, to ensure it would break her will to escape. But she never gave up. Glimpse of hope still shined in her eyes.

Then started to coerce her into training. Her muscles ache after each intense session. It was relentless, even so she held on, as though if she tried hard enough, she could see her smile again. 

One day, some conspicuous men in black came to take her way. To her horror, they forced a knife into her hand…

It was fine. She was fine. Even if her humanity was fading away, even if she was losing her senses to tell right from wrong, the promise bound her to reality persisted in between the blurry lines. 

She waited, and waited, and waited... 

… 

Years after years sniffing out any information of the kid’s whereabouts(if she’s even alive) had drained out any hope she might have. Harukawa has long since forfeited hope. Now she is just an empty shell wandering, trapped in this god-awful place. 

“Hey! Harumaki!” 

Or maybe not anymore, at least she knows some people would not abandon her. She turns around, a frown already plastered on her brows, though a warm feeling blooms in her chest. 

“ I told you not to call me that”, then the trademark phrase, “do you wanna die?” 

Kaito Momota, the self-proclaimed Luminary of the Star, and also the Luminary in her heart, is in front of her, flexing that grin of his. He is her light, he is her life, his smile so bright she will have to wear 3 pairs of shades so that it won’t burn her eyes. He is the biggest idiot on the planet yet for some reason she still falls hard for him (but she would rather eat dirt than admitting it) . 

Oh, and Saihara is beside him. Great to see him, too. 

“Ha! It’s good to see you rise and shine again today! You even join breakfasts now! Guess the training is finally paying-off!” 

“Good morning, Harukawa-san. I hope you are having a nice day.” 

Harukawa responded with a slight nod. It is nice the three of them can be together like this. Simple and heartwarming. Despite being imprisoned in this “Highschool of Gifted Juveniles”, a so-called ongoing “killing game” and constantly blood-thisrty yelling murder bear, no one has died yet. Maybe, being in here isn’t too bad. Harukawa gets to know people who accept her in spite of her identity as an assassin, and the others are starting to warm up to her too. Then most importantly, she won’t have to kill anymore. Harukawa finally can live as a normal teenage girl, not a killer burdened with the blood on her hand and a broken promise. Life is almost an utopia. 

Then a flash crosses their way and Harukawa feels something sticky on her left. Dammit, it’s the ketchup again. Someone irritatingly enjoys tormenting her for her past occupation. Momota shouts something in frustration. He is already on his heels to run after the perpetrator in the form of a gremlin asshole. There goes her peaceful morning. Nothing ever is peaceful when he is around. 

“Nishishi! As if you can catch me on those wobbly doobly doo legs!” 

Ouma. He is the reason Harukawa is going to take back remarks she just made about this place. It’s hell, with him around. That little abomination was why everyone is wary of her in the first place.“Yo! So it’s turned out our Ms. Care Child Giver over there really sucks at looking after children, she murders them instead!”, with a sing-song cheerful voice, as if he took pleasure in watching her suffer. She knew she doesn’t deserve respect from others, given the atrocities she has committed. But she had her reason for doing all of that, and no one has the right to judge her about it, especially not that little shit Ouma who perhaps is not any better than she is. Harukawa decides that she won’t take his antagonism anymore.

Swiftly, she closes off the distance. Her hand shoots out and grabs Ouma by his scarf. She tugs hard and Ouma’s whole body crashes to the ground. Then she holds him by the shoulder and throws him to the nearest wall. ‘A little forceful there, Maki’, her conscience tells her, but she rationes the asshole probably deserves it. She can faintly hear Saihara’s slight flinch and Momota’s “woah, Harumaki no need to be so harsh” but that is a worry saved for later. Now, she has a bone to pick with this gremlin. 

“Hey, hey, Harumaki, fancy seeing you here!” 

She tightens her grip on his shoulder. Her intense gaze bores into his eyes. Seeing Ouma subtly squirm earns her a bit of satisfaction. At least it shows that this asshole can still be intimidated and would probably leave her alone if she scares him off enough. 

“Aren’t you supposed to be guarding your lab right now? Someone might be ravaging your weapons and before you know it, someone else is killed and the blame would be on you, you know?” 

Right, she guesses she underestimates his intolerance. This guy can still get on her nerves although she can snap his neck in half with a twitch of her hand. Harukawa decides to take a step further. 

Her other hand reaches up to his neck and squeezes it hard. The more empathetic side of her is pleading this is a bad idea. However, if this can make him shut up and leave her be in the long term, she might as well roll with it. 

“Shut your straps”, her crimson eyes are burning holes now, “or I’ll shut it for you. Permanently.” 

Silence fills the room. Even Ouma is not making a sound. That seems to do the trick. 

She suddenly releases him. Ouma falls onto the ground, hacking and coughing. ‘Suits himself.’ 

Then in a lapse of judgement, absentmindedly, her eyes trail onto where his hands are caressing the bruises on his bare neck. They set on the numbers embedded on his collarbones. 

Like a braking car, her mind skits to a halt. Something lurks beneath the hazy confusion, a piece of long-buried fragment emerges from her foggy memory. _ Amidst the chaos, the fear of being recaptured and executed,...  _

_ “...promise?”  _

No fucking way... 

“Kii?” 

It is merely a restrained muffle, because Harukawa cannot comprehend the conclusion her mind drives her to. Yet, the boy in front of her reacts to the nickname no one has used for decade. Those big lilac eyes flashes fear, to disbelief, then realization. 

“Maa-nee-chan...” 

Time stops for both of them. Then the pregnant silence is broken by the sound of turning door knob. Nice timing, by the way and Harukawa snaps out of the trance. There are Shirogane, Akamatsu, Gokuhara,… and a few more people. Actually, scratch it, everyone is here, bearing witness to an unexpected and no less awkward reunion. 

She is the first one to break it. 

“Kii”, her voice trembles, “You are Kii, right?” 

Unfortunately, contrary to her shaken state, Ouma immediately regains his composure. He grins nonchalantly as if nothing happens. 

“Hmm... who’s that? Never heard of that name before.” 

He turned away and readies to escape the scene. Harukawa’s hand shoots out, but this time not to hurt the person in front of her, but rather to hold them protectively and never let go. 

Ouma quickly slaps her hand away. 

“Stay off, murderer.” Hatred, disdain and  _ disgust _ drip from his words and seep through her newly recovered wound, ripping and lacerating. 

He flees from the scene, small form vanishes at the end of the hallway, leaving everyone jaw-dropped. 

…

Harukawa locks herself in her lab. Surrounding her are weapons, sharp, dangerous and ready to pluck lives from existence. The place is dusty, grim and devoid of any trace of life. This is where she belongs. This is the only place where the others are safe from her, where Kii would be safe from her. 

Harukawa draws in her knees, resting against a dark corner of the room. Her mind flashes the color of dark red, the same one that fills her eyes and soul. The times when she tried to fall asleep and failed because of the incessant screams. Then times when everything is simply a perpetuated emptiness. Then it flashes to the repulsion in his violet eyes.

Then she realizes. To him, murder is a taboo. It is also the very culmination of her being. Her attempt to stay alive does not help to keep her alive. It only eats away parts of her that are actually alive. It is paradoxical yet makes so much sense.

Her entire life is void. It was pointless from the very start. Perhaps it’s better that she just disappears...

Then someone knocks on the door.

“Harumaki! Time for training!”

…

“So... it turns out you and him know each other before?”, Momota looks at her inquisitively. Saihara follows as well, peering up from where he is pushing against the ground. The pseudo stars printed across the dorm casts sparkles on their faces. The moment would have been soothing, if not for the turmoil in her heart. Normally, she would just answer their questions with a shrug or a slight nod. But this time, Harukawa finds herself frozen in place. She can’t even look at them in the eyes now, too ashamed of her status as an assassin. She feels unworthy of all of their caring and affection, and wishes to be the empty husk she was before meeting them. In the least, that way, she won’t be so grounded in the face of a lost childhood. 

Finally, she musters up the word. 

“Yes.” 

The other two simply continue to stare at her, pending for an explanation. She resigned. 

“There was this girl back in the orphanage. I called her Kii. She and I were quite close. We often ventured around, going here and there, doing this and that. She was an odd one. She pranked everyone, led another group of kids, called me an ‘old lady’ and always bombarded me with tons of questions.” Harukawa laughed tentatively at the memory. “ Even when I scolded her for all the troubles, she still stuck around. To me, she was like,… a little sister.” 

Momota and Saihara are listening intently, nodding along the way. She feels inclined to just let the dam break. 

“Then one day, she discovered something shady with our orphanage and urged me to run away with her. We planned a break out with a few other kids, and got found out on our way. She escaped, but I got caught. Before that, we made a promise that we would see each other again. That was why I kept on living in that hell, even agreeing on being an assassin, just so that I can survive and see her again.” Pausing a bit to collect her thoughts, she continues, “Then only when I gave up on searching her, she, no, he showed up. Well and cheerful and be a little shit he is, as if he was not my little Kii all those years ago. He changed so much that I didn’t recognize him. And then...”, she stared down at her hands... imagining the red shining on her skin.

“I have also changed too much. In order to survive, I have made myself into this monster, the very thing he loathes…Kinda ironic, isn’t it? Maybe our reunion is doomed from the start.”

Saihara looks sheepish, as if he wants to say something but decides against it. Momota, however, shifts closer to her, and clasps one arm over her shoulders. Harukawa feels small, like she is reduced back into a child. 

“You are not a monster.”, his voice low and warm, “Sure, you have done some awful things. But we all have and I’m sure as hell the same goes for Ouma, too. That’s why, don’t beat yourself up over it.”

Harukawa finds herself meeting his gaze. She realized just how touch-starved she is. Oh, how much she yearns for that human affection again. Momota is the one giving it to her. He just has this irresistible energy that makes people want to hold on and keep moving. That was how Harukawa was saved. He pulled her up from that pit of cold oblivion. That’s why she falls in love with him. It makes her feel like a normal girl in her teenage years. She needs to take this opportunity if her life is ever going to be whole again.

“I want to talk to Ouma about it.”

Momota flexes his most inspiring grin, like the proudest dad on the planet , “That’s my sidekick! Bouncing right back!” He says, his other arm wrapped around Saihara, earning a surprised yelp from him, “Don’t be afraid you will be alone, either! Because Shuichi and I are always here for you! And if that little shit is going to be a jerk to you, I’ll give him a piece of my mind. Swear on my honour as Luminary of the Star!”

Momota erupts a heartful laugh, Saihara chuckles nervously. ‘ _ These two idiots’ _ , Harukawa thinks, yet finds herself smiling. Resolve fills her mind. She is going to confront Ouma tomorrow. Even if he won’t accept it, Harukawa will be able to cope with the pain, as long as the trio stick together.

Their shadows are pasted on the grass field under the moonlight, melted into an inseparable figure.

…

Next morning, breakfast progresses per normal, minus the teasing from the most obnoxious person in the room. Momota flashes her that encouraging grin again, Saihara smiled softly like nothing would go wrong. Harukawa barely notices Akamatsu waving at her before returning to the others. So, she is finally doing this, huh. 

When Ouma excuses himself from the table, she follows him out of the door. He notices, and stops a distance away from the canteen. Nevertheless, he doesn’t turn around to face her.

Only then, Harakawa realizes she doesn’t know how to start. Breath in, breath out. _ What will he say?  _ In, out.  _ How will he react?  _ In, out. _ Is this really the right time? _ In, ou…

“Are you going to speak or are you just gonna stand there like a statue?”

“Ouma…”

“I hate all this sappy feely stuff, so I’ll get to the point.  _ How many have you killed? _ ”

So blunt. Yet the edge of those words plunges deep into her heart.    
  


“More than I can count.” There is no point in lying. Ouma’s shoulders vividly square up. He doesn’t reply though, nor turns around. This doesn’t seem good.

“Look _ ,  _ I cannot take back what I have done.”  _ This is so unprepared. _ ” Neither will I make an excuse about it. But… I do regret the lives I have taken away,” _ Weak reasoning _ ” And I wish to never do that again…”.  _ But this is truly how I feel _ .

Tears are brimming in her eyes, containing years of pent up agony.

“ _ I promise _ , Kii, I will never kill again. I will retire from my job as an assassin. I just want to live a normal, carefree life like we did before all of this!”

Her voice dies down “So please, even if you don’t forgive me, please don’t look at me with such disgust… I can’t take it, when it comes from you.”

More sillence, except for the soft hiccuping from Harukawa. A few minutes pass, that probably is his answer. 

“Anyhow, I’m glad to see you again. Guess that promise is fulfilled. From now on, we’ll be on our way. Take care, and goodbye, Ouma.”

Harukawa takes her leave, heart-broken.  _ ‘However, if this is what he wants, I can only respect it’ _ . Unbeknownst to her, the tide has since long turned.

“Wait.”

Ouma shifts in his place. Their eyes meet. For the first time in years, they see each other.

“Jeez, you are so impatient. Didn’t I tell you I’m not good with this sappy feely stuff?”

He closes the distance between them, holding out a hand. 

“If you can keep that cheesy thousand year old promise, then this one shouldn’t be too hard for you either. Although I can’t guarantee I will see you the same way, the least I can do is to be civilized, I guess”. He shrugs casually, radiating his ‘Oumaness’. “Well then, nice to see you again, Maki. Please take good care of me. Nishihi!”

A little too eagerly, she takes his hand in her, revelling in its warmth, signalling the start of reconciliation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Harukawa: Hey, I think we know each othe...  
> Ouma: dISgusTaNG!


	2. Not in vain.

He was a smart kid, sometimes too smart for his own good. The way he talked back to the adults had earned him quite a reputation. No one really wanted to adopt him and neither did he want to be constricted under someone else's care. Despite his confinement in a pigsty with stinky adults and annoying kids, he was a free bird. One day, he was going to be the most powerful leader in the world, on his own. 

Well, mostly, because as ambitious as he was, he knew he needed his loyal subordinates. There were these 9 kids who always joined him in his schemes, wrecking havoc and causing troubles. They were close, oh so really close. If they were to go their separate ways, it would have pained him to no end. However, there was also another one he had his eyes on. 

A girl, with hair in pigtails and a pair of bright crimson eyes. She had a kind of sombre aura around her. Despite her serious demeanour, the girl somehow always got caught in their pranks. It was almost as if she intentionally gravitated towards them. That was what caught his attention. 

With them being around the same age, the girl with red eyes was quite mature as well. She did not throw a tantrum like other kids, and although she chided them for their mischief, discreetly she smiled at their mirths. Soon, the girl became an (unofficial) member of his group.

He would tease her with “grumpy face, you’re gonna have creases soon” and overly stupid and overly specific questions just to annoy her. And she, the big sister type she was, would express her faint annoyance and gently pat her ‘little sister’ on the head (oh, did he mention he pretended to be a helpless girl to look cute and huggable? Ha! Leaders have to be mindful of their appearance!)

Those were peaceful times, when he would bring her and other kids to play around. And then one day, he noticed something was off with their orphanage. Older kids started to disappear for no reason. Sometimes they came back with questionable injuries. Sometimes they didn’t come back at all. One of his underlings was forced away once. Then other dubious details surfaced. The string of code embedded on his collarbone felt like it was burning. Ultimately, he realized that they won’t survive this orphanage in one piece. They had to escape!

…

They got found out. So close to freedom!

He and the girl stayed to distract their captors to buy the others time to run, assuring them that the two would find another way. It was his most honest lie, because he truly wanted them to break out of this hellhole, but he wasn’t sure he could do the same. Fully embraced himself for the inevitable to strike, his companion suddenly pushed him into an empty barrel. The space was cramp, it suffocated him. The smell of mold and iron overwhelmed his sense of smell. However, more importantly was the girl peering at him through the slightly lifted cover. Her big ruby irises shined in the dark, a color so intense, yet so warm and consoling. “Stay here. I will distract them.”  _ No!  _ He was supposed to be the scapegoat. It was his idea in the first place!

“Wait, no!” He wished to trade places with her. But the fright was too overpowering, the words lumped in his throat like a potato.

“Shhh…. It’s okay. Everything will be okay. Now stay still and only come out when it’s safe, got it?”

_ ‘What are you doing? This is no time to play the big sister!’ _ Come on, ol’ me, come on!  _ ‘Say it!’.  _ But he didn’t. Now of all time, his cowardly self-preservation kicked in. Never in his life had he been this out of control. 

“Please...Maa-nee-chan, see me again, promise?” It was a useless, vainful line. Yet, in that despairful situation, that was all his brain could garner.

“Yes.” She pinky promised him. They broke eye contact. The last memory of her warm red color lingered in his chest.

…

Even when he was leading a fun and happy life with DICE, there always seemed to be a vacant slot in their midst.

…

Ouma was in a killing game. 

How the fuck was he in the killng game!? Damn that psycho sick-face bear! Damn whoever the sicko was enjoying it. As if he would let them get what they want. No murdered had occurred, yet the putrid metallic smell had already filled his nostrils.

This was no time to play around. He needed to quickly gather all information he could about the other participants.

_ ‘Fuck! I better do something useful to stop this before someone kicks the bucket!’ _ His mind flashed back to the image of humanoids much bigger than him, large hands that could crush his bones, the unseen mangled body of a little girl... 

…

Apparently, there had not been much to worry. Akamatsu was eloquent and was successful in her attempt to unite everyone. The others also cooperated. No one seemed to have the intent to kill yet. That’s good, but not good enough. Until they all got the hell out of here, no one was truly safe. Nevertheless, Ouma blended himself into the mass. There ought to be only one leader at a time, and he was not bold(and stupid) enough to make himself a target. Which is why, he opted to pull the string from the shadow. 

He took a cursory glance at the other 15 students. There was the big space(-head) Momota, the giant Gonta, plain-old Shirogane, boisterous sexist men-hater Chabashira, quiet Saihara, metal boy, donkey girl, the actual midget in the group, yellow girl, avocado, the goths,... and oh! That squirmish pig that he didn’t care enough to remember her name.

But someone else truly caught his eyes. Slender built, cladded in red, long pigtails that reached her ankles, and most importantly: bright crimson eyes. The girl introduced herself as Harukawa Maki.  _ ‘Could that be where Maa-nee-chan comes from? Everyone called her that, but we never got to know her full name…’.  _ Harukawa also claimed the title of ‘Ultimate Child Care Giver’. Ooooh! That was cool. If you came from an orphanage, chances were you were good at taking care of children, right? 

He felt hope fluttering in his chest. Maybe, just maybe,... there was a chance that she was alive? And was right there in front of him? _ ‘But wait, I can’t jump into conclusion yet.’ _ It would be embarrassing and just plain painful if he guesses wrong. If he wanted an answer, he had to get it by himself. 

Ouma made himself prominent in front of Harukawa, obstructing her as she was about to leave. 

“Helloooo! I believe we haven’t been introduced yet!”, flexing his grandiose confidence, he took a step forward, “The name is Ouma Kokichi, your family-friendly Ultimate Supreme Leader! If you have a request to exterminate the human race or take over the world, gimme a call! Me and my ten thousand loyals minions will be swiftly present! At your service!” He then bowed and feigned opening his imaginary cloak.

Harukawa scowled. “Get out of my way, I have other things to attend to.” _‘Wow, not a fun-loving person, huh?’_

“Hey, hey, why the hurry? We just arrived here, there’s tons of fun to do! Do some ice-breaking! Maybe we can talk about our backstories a bit! For example, _ being an orphan _ .”

Harukawa glared dagger. _ ‘Struck a nerve, I see’ _

“Don’t make me repeat again. Out of my way…” Her gaze became ten times sharper. “Or I’ll kill you.”

Huh, that was scary, certainly not something a normal kindergarten teacher would do. But then maybe that was what made her good at taking care of children. Those little devils, sometimes you just couldn’t be soft on them. Ouma knew it well. He was one of those devils when younger, or maybe he still was now, and...  _ ‘Ah! Wait!’  _

While Ouma was zoning out in his own amusement, Harukawa had taken her chance and slipped out of the room.

Man, what a killjoy. He surely wouldn’t want Maa-nee-chan to grow into that.  _ ‘But if it’s really her, I’ll still accept it.’  _ And furthermore, he got the chance to take a good look at her face.  _ ‘That color is just a bit too familiar for me to ignore.’  _ He wished he could just run up to her and admit he was that kid back in the orphanage. Unfortunately, nothing was set in stone yet. He needed more concrete evidence. _ ‘Because if it turns out I was wrong, I won’t be able to hope to see her again.’ _

And also the killing game. Damn, he got a lot on his plate.

…

Whoever up there found it funny to dump the whole bucket on his head.

“Fucking… motherfucker!” Ouma cursed, then laughed hysterically. He laughed at himself, then at everyone else. It turned out Harukawa Maki was an assassin, the fucking ‘Ultimate Assassin’. The most vile and disgusting status a human-being could achieve. Now he wished so desperately that girl was not Maa-nee-chan. His childhood friend, the one he respected and uphold, could no way be that horrendous being. 

… 

It felt so good to expose her to the whole class. So good that he could feel his own smile cutting through his cheeks. The horrified expression on her face was so gratifying, like a deer caught in the headlight, a thief caught red-handed. She was even so brash to try to strangle him in everyone’s presence.  _ ‘Now everyone knows your true nature, you can never play pretense to be a hapless girl anymore.' _

Sure, he had done it partially because of the safety of the whole group. Having a secret skilled killer in a killing game could never do good. However, the more important reason was to prove to himself that Harukawa could not be her. A reassurance that that monster could never be that bit-grumpy but gentle Maa-nee-chan.

_ ‘No way it was her. No way it was her…’ _

No way those blood-red crimson eyes belonged to her.

…

But his imbecile bird brain just had to guide him back to Harukawa. 

Once in a few days, he would find himself sparing some of his precious time pulling pranks on Harukawa, mostly with something red. Some red paint, a red cloth, red nail polish he stole from Shirogane... No matter how much he told himself to stop grabbing onto false hope and waste time, the next day he would be back terrorizing someone. Sometimes Kii-boy, sometimes that dirty pig, frequently Momota (eww, you big trusting idiot), mostly Harukawa.

And today, he is doing it again, with a bottle of ketchup he snatches from Goth mom. Everything is going smoothly, until Harukawa unexpectedly snaps and pins him onto the wall. Dammit, maybe he goes a little too far. On the surface, Ouma pretends to be calm with his cheeky comments again, but on the inside he is extremely conflicted. He has already refuted the idea that Harukawa could ever be someone he would be acquainted to, but his intuition still hopelessly clings onto that same red color.

Harukawa holds him as if grinding. He imagines his bones crushing under the force. Her eyes maliciously digs into his. He felt it piercing into his soul.

“Shut your straps.” _ ‘No, don’t you dare.’ _ “Or I’ll shut it for you. Permanently.” _ ‘Don’t you fucking dare to taint her color you murderous fiend.' _

Harukawa drops him. Her cold gaze scans him up and down.  _ ‘Like a predator staring at a prey. Disgusting.’  _ At least, now he knows better than to ever interact with Harukawa again. He is thoroughly convinced. His mind is also thoroughly convinced. This person is definitely not her.

Then she notices the string of code on his bare skin.  _ ‘Don’t recognize it, don’t recognize it, don’t recognize it…’  _ Harukawa’s eyes widened. _ ‘Well, fuck.’ _

She is dumbfounded for a second, then utters the name he never wants to escape from her lips.

_ “Kii…?” _

The bloodthirsty expression from seconds ago morphes into sympathetic realization.  _ ‘This is a nightmare comes true’ _ . Yet, if he is honest with himself, he already knows from the start. His suspicion only grows into inexorable certainty. The evidence is there, displayed in a glass case and shoved to his face. Her background from an orphanage, her occasional grumpy disposition, even her involvement with an unscrupulous organization and the red hue...They all point to a truth that Ouma has been running from all this time.

The cat is already out of the box, there is nothing else he could do...

“Maa-nee-chan…”

Other than resigned acceptance.

They stay still for a period lasts like forever. Harukawa contemplates whether it is true and Ouma petrified in place. 

The door to the dining hall opens, revealing the rest of the participants. They both snap out of it _.  _ Ouma struggles to stand on his feet. He is too exhausted to humour anyone. 

Harukawa futilely calls and reaches out to him. 

_ ‘Don’t touch me with those filthy hands. S _ tay off,  **murderer** .”

…

He can’t stand staying in this place any longer. He needs to get the hell out of here.

Ouma locks himself in his own bedroom for the rest of the day, rummaging through the mess in his room. Drawings, of childish poop jokes and of sophisticated designs of some kind of device, spread across the floor. Things he has collected from the warehouse littered around the room. He was facing the white board, concentrating on planning for the next move (and not the dim light passing through the cracks of a barrel).

Suddenly, someone knocks on the door. Ouma jumps in surprise. He grumbles under his breath and trudges to the door. 

His hand hoverers above the knob. He thinks he has an idea of who is on the other side of the door. Fuck… he is not ready yet. Too many things to be sorted out in his mess of a brain. Tangled chains of thoughts and emotions that Ouma prefers to just let them the fuck be and do something else productive. (But that’s another lie, isn’t it?) 

If he is correct, then simply slamming the door to her face would be sufficient. Yes, that would work fine.

He slightly creaks the door open, expecting to see a lock of long brown hair. Instead, he sees striped pants and black shoes.

“Uh, Ouma-kun, are you free right now?”

So it is Saihara, huh? He guesses the detective being here is better than a certain someone else. Plus, he likes Saihara enough to let him in his room under normal circumstances. Key word: normal circumstances. Ouma is well-aware what the other person wants from him. In that case, he will have to politely decline. 

“Wow wow, Saihara-chan, what an honour to see you here. You even come late at night, perhaps this is the start of a secret affair?”

“Ah well, no. But I have something importan…”

“Aww, too bad. Cuz Supreme Leaders are required to be in top form always and nothing else is more important than my beauty sleep!” _ ‘Alright, time to bolt’ _ , “So sweet dream Saihara-chan, see you tomorrow.”

He hurriedly closes the door. But curse Saihara and his quickening reflex, the detective manages to grab it before it hits the hinges. They play tug of war for a while.

“Please! It’s for both of yours sake!”

“Well, I say no so fuck off!!”

Ouma, having the leverage to his advantage, succeeds in pulling the door closer to him. Contrary to his expectation, Saihara has also grown into a cunning little bitch and slides a small rock in between the door and its frame, preventing it from closing shut. It is one of Ouma’s old tricks when he forced Saihara to open the door before. Now it’s coming back to bite him in the ass.  _ Everything _ is coming back to bite him in the ass. 

Ouma swallows the urge to cry as Saihara pries his way into the room.

“I’m sorry. I know this is uncomfortable for you, but I think you should mend your relationship with Harukawa-san. It’s for your own good.”

“You don’t know shit about what’s good for me. You don’t even know how she and I were like.”

“I know you two were close when you were younger…”

“Nope. Wrong, wrong, wrong again! I didn’t give two shit about Harukawa or whatever the fuck she imagined. You’re just wasting my time.”

Saihara, standing obediently by the door, chooses not to answer to his way too apparent attempt at diversion. He glances around the room instead. Those eyes constantly analyse and pick out details. 

“Your room is a mess”, he simply stated.

“Excellent observation, detective. I don’t expect any less from you.”

“I think it shows that you are not taking much care of yourself. Are you?”

“Supreme leaders are too busy to bother with something so trivial like self-care.”

“But you just said you need your sleep?”

“Well, duh, it was a lie, obviously.”

Saihara pauses for a moment, probably planning his next line. 

“If that’s all you have to say, then get out of her…”

“Perhaps you are too upset with what happened between you two?”

More silence. Ouma scrutinized the other’s inquisitive gaze. The answer to that question to Ouma is clear as day. Of course he is upset, who wouldn’t when the person you respect and hold dear your entire life turns out to be so hideous. How dare she betray him like that? How dare her take away precious lives just for the sake of a frivolous promise? How dare she…

“Hmm...interesting. What makes you think that?”

How dare she…

“I think it shows, Ouma-kun. Your reactions have been very...stiff.” His eyes travel to the board. “You have been investigating Harukawa-san, haven’t you?”

“Of course! That’s why I know she’s such a dangerous criminal!”

How dare she try…

“No, more than that. Her picture is secluded from the rest of us and has the most amount of notes. You seem to look into her even after revealing her identity as an assassin. That’s a way more thorough investigation than you do for anyone else here.”

How dare she try to…

“That’s probably why you target her so frequently with your pranks. You want to test her reactions.”

To… to…

“You certainly have been looking for her as well. You care about her, don’t you?”

To survive.

“You surely have been holding onto that promise. Harukawa-san told me about it. You wanted her to survive, but you didn’t expect that she had to kill for it. That’s why you are disappointed and you blame her for it.” He takes a step forward. “Yet, you still want to make up, don’t you? If not you wouldn’t have been so distressed that you locked yourself up.”

Ouma feels his face contorting against his will. Whatever Saihara has been rambling on about, all of his deductions are hitting too close to home. Of course Ouma is disappointed. Of course Ouma is upset. Of course Ouma blames her, resents her for the deeds she has done. But most of all, he resents himself. It was because he was incompetent, he forced that promise on her, that she got caught, that she was forced to do the killing. It must have been excruciating for her, to take beatings from day to day, to have her own humanity stripped away. 

Saihara places a knowing hand on his shoulder. 

“It doesn’t have to end this way. I’m sure Harukawa-san would be more than happy to forgo her occupation and be reunited with you.”

Saihara is peering into his eyes now, searching for any sign that he registers those words.

“That’s all I have to say. The choice is yours, Ouma-kun.” He sighed. “Sorry for taking your time.”

Saihara walks towards the door. Just as he is about to open it…

“You know what’s most upsetting? Even if I know this would happen, I would have still made her that promise.”  _ ‘ But I’m glad that she is alive.’ _

Saihara looks a bit surprised, he smiles anyway. “I see. Good night, Ouma-kun.”

…

Just as Saihara said, Harukawa promises to give up on killing. Her tears are streaming, damping the cuff of her sleeve. His heart feels like it’s jolting to each of her sobs. His brain tells him it’s time to finally accept her and let this cycle of rejection conclude, yet he still can’t bring himself to look at her eyes, the same ones he has yearned to see for years. 

“Anyhow, I’m glad to see you again. Guess that promise is fulfilled. From now on, we’ll be on our way. Take care, and goodbye, Ouma.”

_ ‘Ah, no… don’t go, I haven’t got to say sorry yet…’ _

“Wait.”

His muscles are protesting. His hands are shaking behind his head. His feet was are ready to get the fuck out of the place. Unfortunately, this has to be done. Ouma willed himself to turn around.

There it is. That ruby color, glossy due to her crying, not so much different from the one gazing at him from above the barrel.

“Jeez, you are so impatient. Didn’t I tell you I’m not good with this sappy feely stuff?” He extends an arm. “If you can keep that cheesy thousand year old promise, then this one shouldn’t be too hard for you either. Although I can’t guarantee I will see you the same way, the least I can do is to be civilized, I guess”

_ ‘Agghhh!! That’s not how I want it to go! Where’s the apology?’  _

“Well then, nice to see you again, Maki” He nearly adds “nee-chan” to her name. Oops, not yet. “Please take good care of me. Nishihi!” Ugh! This is a disaster. Whatever! He still has a reputation to sustain, anyway.

Harukawa, a bit too eagerly, takes his hand into hers, then brings it to her cheek.

“Kokichi...I’m sorry.” She cries into his hand. Whatever follows that goes unsaid, her hiccups drown the rest of it. Damn,...now he feels tears pricking in his eyes.

“I know.” His other arm, though hesitant for a split of second, reaches up to pull her into an embrace. “I’m sorry too.” His voice is trembling a little, but perhaps, in that situation, it isn’t so bad. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternate scene:  
> Momota *nearly knocks the door down*: hey my little prick you better forgive my sidekick or i wont hug you anymore  
> Ouma *already flooded the room with tears*: Uwah Momota-chan is so cruel
> 
> Harukawa feels like someone is cheating on her. (I'm sorry my girl i ship Oumota)
> 
> Extra:  
> Ouma a few days later: Wahhhh Maa-nee-chan is so cold she won't call me Kii anymore!  
> _______
> 
> Responses are greatly appreciated UwU

**Author's Note:**

> Harukawa: Hey, I think we know each othe...  
> Ouma: dISgusTaNG!


End file.
